Today, a huge number of people use dating apps not to meet someone, but simply to kill time. I was no exception. Every evening, I would open Tinder and spend hours mindlessly swiping through profiles, without even attempting to message anyone when I got a match. And there are thousands of people like me. In fact, this situation has become so widespread that endless swiping has even been called a new form of procrastination.
How dating is becoming like ordinary scrolling
Why does this happen? The thing is, modern dating services are built on the same principle as social media. You open an app and find yourself looking at an endless feed that visually resembles an Instagram feed. One profile follows another, and each new one seems even more interesting than the last. As a result, our brains get used to this way of consuming information and perceive it as another form of procrastination.
Overall, dopamine is to blame for this behaviour. It’s often called the happiness hormone, but it also plays a role in the reward and motivation system. By repeating the same actions that bring us joy and pleasure, we enter a so-called ‘dopamine loop’. And that’s why we simply end up spending several hours in the app to escape our daily tasks and work problems and just kill time.
Why we put off real communication
From my own experience, I’ve found that I get much more pleasure from the search itself than from the result. And this isn’t just my problem. When it comes to having an actual conversation, many users suddenly back out. Here are a few reasons why this happens:
- Fear of making the wrong choice. For example, I worried that I would miss the chance to meet someone more interesting. So I kept swiping in the hope of finding my elusive ideal partner. And I ruled out anyone who didn’t meet some of my requirements.
- The illusion of endless choice. Dating services get us used to the idea that we have limitless opportunities. After all, hundreds of thousands of people around the world use these apps, and among them there are bound to be people who are perfect for us. That’s why many users become very demanding and browse profiles as if they were product listings in an online shop.
- Hesitation before sending the first message. When I finally came across a girl I liked, I couldn’t bring myself to message her for a long time. And, spoiler alert, I never did. The fear of seeming too pushy or being ignored was stronger than my interest.
In the end, I simply went back to my usual habit of scrolling through profiles because it was my so-called comfort zone. I didn’t have to worry about possible rejection or make an effort to interest a girl I was chatting with. I just swiped, entertaining myself and relaxing after a day at work. But eventually, all of this led to burnout, and at some point, I stopped opening the app altogether because it irritated me rather than made me happy.
1 on 1 video chat instead of swiping: moving from choosing to taking action
Videochats helped me overcome my addiction to swiping. And while it’s easy to get “stuck” at the profile-browsing stage in traditional apps, in random chat you move straight to communicating with each other. Interaction happens in real time, so you need to join the conversation immediately. And because the system randomly connects two strangers, you can never predict who will be on the other side of the screen. This brings online dating back to its original purpose: genuine interest and real emotions. You can see and hear each other as if there were no screens between you, and immediately understand whether there’s that special ‘chemistry’.
I particularly missed chatting with girls, so I used the CooMeet 1 on 1 video chat. What makes this service different from other services is its gender filter. Thanks to this feature, everyone chats only with the opposite sex. In addition, all girls in the platform are required to register and verify their details. So you can always be sure that there’s a real girl on the other side of the screen, not another fake profile. CooMeet also has other interesting features, such as the ability to send gifts, view Stories and more.
But it’s important to remember that an online chat can also become another tool for procrastination if you use it incorrectly. After all, you might be tempted to keep switching between users instead of actually communicating. To avoid this, get into the habit of talking to a stranger for at least a few minutes. Don’t rush to click the ‘Next’ button if there’s suddenly an awkward silence or a misunderstanding. After all, there’s a real person on the other side of the screen, just like you, who also needs time to open up. But of course, if the conversation makes you uncomfortable, you can end it at any time without explaining why.
How to tell if swiping has become procrastination
Here are the main signs that a dating service has turned into a tool for avoiding reality:
- You automatically open the app whenever you have a spare minute, even if you weren’t planning to meet anyone. Scrolling through the feed has become a habitual part of your everyday life.
- You get dozens of matches but don’t message anyone. And it’s not even that you’re afraid to start a conversation — you simply don’t see the point.
- You regularly catch yourself thinking that the next profile will definitely be better than the current one. And you don’t start conversations with people you like simply because you hope to find someone even better.
- After spending time in the app, you feel irritated and emotionally drained.
Endless swiping quietly steals our time. And, as experience shows, it eventually leads to burnout. So don’t make the same mistakes I did, and choose formats where you can start communicating straight away instead of simply killing time. Leave scrolling to social media feeds.
